The Way Things Were Supposed to Be

by DecoyNeko

I never thought that things would turn out this way... I never thought that it was possible for Vash to like a woman like me... I have a tendency to ask myself 'What is there to like?' a lot. I mean, I'm nothing special. I'm not gorgeous, I have no figure, and I'm overly bitchy (yes, I have come to terms with that, as well...). What does he see in me?

Sometimes I'll just bring it up randomly in conversation, like a joke, and laugh about it, but he can always see through my words to the true meaning and smile. "I like being with you, Meryl. You don't have to be perfect, I like you the way you are," I remember him saying on more than occasion. He may piss me off a lot of times, but I love him when he's like that.

Speaking about the whole "Love Issue". I'm still not sure if he really 'loves' me or not. We haven't really established an actual "I love you" as of yet, hell, we haven't even done anything more than kissing either. I can tell he's getting a little antsy about sex, but I'm just not ready yet. I know I have nothing to worry about when it comes to him forcing me into it, Vash is a gentleman (sort of...) when it comes to that kind of thing. Sure there have been some heated moments... REALLY heated moments where I was close to simply tossing caution to the wind and doing us both a favor, but then I remember how much better it'll be if we wait just a little while longer. I do feel sorry for Vash though, I know it almost kills him when he thinks we're finally going to finish what we started and I suddenly stop on him...

*Flashback*

"Wow, you're doing a lot better Meryl," Vash started as he looked down at the bathroom scale, "you've gained almost all of your weight back!" He smiled and picked her up, kissing her fully on her lips.

Meryl sat there in his arms scowling, despite her almost irresistible urge to smile after his kiss, "Why are you monitoring my weight? I'll gain it back eventually... besides, if you keep cramming food down my throat I'll gain more than I'm supposed to..."

"Oh please, you're so tiny. It actually wouldn't hurt you to gain an extra couple of pounds." Vash smiled into the side of her neck and kissed her there.

"What!? No way! Let go of me, Broom-head!" Meryl flailed and smacked Vash on the top of his head. "What do you think you're doing? I said let go of- ahhh...." Meryl trailed off as Vash found that sensitive spot behind her ear. "Let...go...Mmmm...A little to the left..."

Vash chuckled as he pressed another kiss to that spot, trailing a few more over her earlobe. "What were you saying, again?"

"Oh, shut up..." Meryl pouted. Vash laughed again and flicked his tongue against her lobe, making her shudder and her eyes to flutter closed.

His kisses drugged her. She felt dizzy every time he touched her like that. She pulled his face up to meet her lips and kissed him fiercely, wrapping her arms around his neck to draw him closer to her. The kiss started out heatedly and only intensified as it progressed.

Vash, beginning to find himself in an extremely uncomfortable position with Meryl almost dangling off of his neck, moved his hands lower on Meryl's waist and casually down to grasp either of her thighs and tugged her up, allowing her to wrap her legs around his waist. He walked forward, bumping her back gently into a wall and pressing flat against her, holding her there tightly. "Meryl..." he moaned out in between fervent kisses.

"Uh huh?"

"Please, Meryl... I promise I'll be gentle," Vash groaned out, grinding his pelvis against hers, making her completely aware of his very obvious arousal pressing against her inner thigh. "I promise...ungh..." he grunted as Meryl moved a little bit on him.

"We- we can't... I can't..." Meryl whispered hoarsely, wiggling to try to get out from in between the wall and Vash. She could hear Vash's grunts from the friction she was causing and this scared her even more. 'Oh God, I can't do this... not now at least...'

"Please..." his voice sounded grated as he pressed wet kisses down her throat and to her collarbone. Raising his left hand to rest against the wall for support, he continued to rub his hips on hers.

"Vash- I can't, please. Please, stop." her hands scrambled against his chest, trying to ease herself out from under him. Her mind temporarily froze as she felt his right hand hold her up by grasping her rear, and she felt a wave of lust wash over her. 'No, I can't... not now...' her thoughts conflicted with her bodily desires. 'If we do this now, that's all it'll be... lust. I want him to love me...' "We can't, Vash. Please, stop!"

Vash pulled off of her quickly, making her lose her footing and slip down the wall into a sitting position, before slumping down to the floor himself. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." he whispered, his voice guttural. As he repeated the words over and over he began to slowly rock back and forth.

"Oh Vash..." Meryl whispered, moving over to him to embrace him, but when her fingertips touched his shoulder she jumped as he recoiled. "Vash...?"

"It just...it hurts... Give me a little while..." Vash motioned downwards and Meryl's heart ached.

"I'm sorry..."

~*~

Eek! I'm blushing! Hopefully Millie won't notice...We, Millie and I, always eat breakfast together. It's a sort of tradition now. It's a nice time to sit and reflect on the previous day, have a nice conversation, just sit around basically.

Personally, I think there's something going on between Knives and Millie. They always seem extremely...twitchy, when they are in a room together with Vash or me. It'd be a little weird if they were together, they're not your average couple... but then again, neither are Vash and I. It doesn't change the fact that we are though. I smile absentmindedly at the thought...

Millie changed him so much over such a short period... I often wonder how she did it. He had been warped for over 130 years, but she straightened him out in a little less than a month and a half. What can you say to someone who constantly rants about the destruction of the human race? It must have taken a whole lot of topic changes on Millie's part.

Knives seems tame enough now, and even if he isn't I'm sure that Vash, Millie and I are well capable of taking care of ourselves if need be. Actually, I don't think he could ever hurt Millie, he'd be lost without her... Ugh, I can't help but worry about it though... Knives killed so many people... innocent people. How could he make a complete change in his ways in so little time? It just doesn't make sense!

I'll admit it; I am a skeptic. Just by my previous thoughts anyone can see that. Even when we first met Vash it was a little hard for me to believe it was him. I guess I just need some evidence that Knives is stable before I can actually believe it. You can't really blame me for thinking this way though...

"It's time to go to work, Meryl. You'll be late to the cafe if you stay any longer!" I can hear Millie say and I glance up to look at the wall clock.

"Oh my God! I didn't even realize it was so late! I've only got five minutes!" I can feel my eyes bug out with every sentence. I quickly eat the last bit of toast off of my plate and take one last sip of coffee before running off towards the door. My hand grasps the cool metal knob and I turn it quickly before I'm pulled back, "Wha-?"

I look up just in time to see Vash's face before his lips were on mine in a chaste kiss. "Have a good day at work, I might come up and visit you later on today, okay?" Vash smiles down at me and tweaks my nose.

"Okay...Oh and Vash?" I say sweetly and pull out of his grasp to open the door.

"Uh huh?" he still smiles in return.

"Don't ever tweak my nose again..." I say quickly before thumping the tip of his nose and scurrying out of the house. 'Gotta hurry, gotta hurry...'

~*~

"Ow! That hurt!" Vash grabbed his nose in response to the thump. "Why'd she have to do it so hard for!?"

Millie smiled at Vash's mumbling and walked over to the sink carrying a few dishes. "I'm really happy for the two of you. I was starting to think that she'd never tell you, you know." Millie turned the water off and began to scrub the dishes. "I was starting to worry about her when she started skipping meals. I never thought she'd take it so far..."

"I wish she would have just talked to me about it... I felt really guilty when I found out that her 'illness' was me." Vash admitted, walking over to help Millie by drying the dishes.

"Yea, she told me that she didn't think you could like someone like her... You two are very different people, I know why she'd feel that way," Millie said, scrubbing the last bits of food off of a dish. "Who could blame her? You always tended to flirt with gorgeous women... Meryl felt a little intimidated, I guess."

"You think...?" Vash asked, glancing over at Millie out of the corner of his eye.

"Of course. Meryl may not act like it, but she's very self-conscious. I really don't feel right talking about her with you, but I think you should know... I doubt very seriously she'd ever tell you herself."

"Go on..."

"...Are you sure you don't want Meryl to tell you this? I feel wrong..." Millie looked over to Vash.

"You're the one who said you didn't think Meryl would ever tell me herself..." Vash pointed out.

"Yes, but it's Meryl's story to tell..."

"Please, Millie... I want to ease Meryl's mind about our relationship... I want to know as much as possible about her... " Vash almost began to plead.

Millie sighed. She knew she had been beat, 'Well, if it's for the betterment of their relationship, it's worth it...'. Millie turned off the water completely, wiping her hands on the dishtowel by the sink before handing it over to Vash and walking over the kitchen table to take a seat.

Vash accepted the towel and wiped the water droplets from his hands. Walking over to take a seat by Millie, he turned to pay full attention to the conversation.

"Well, sometime before Meryl started in with Bernardelli she got involved in an abusive relationship..." Millie noticed the tightening of Vash's muscles. "I don't think it was much physical, more verbal. It took a little time, but she finally just left. I think that she had to toughen up during that relationship to survive it."

"...I never knew..." Vash swallowed hard and continued. "Meryl always seemed so strong, I never knew she had been so fragile..."

Millie nodded and looked away from him. "Well, now you know... What do you plan to do?"

"I- I don't know... I want to make her happy..." Vash said thoughtfully and pressed his forehead into his palm. "What should I do Millie?"

"That's up to you to answer. What do you think would make her happy, Mr. Vash?"

"...I...I'm not sure. She's definitely not the type to be bought, and I don't want to treat her like that... So..." Vash was drawing a complete and utter blank. He knew Meryl wasn't the kind of woman who you could buy a new outfit for and they'd forget all of their troubles, she wasn't that shallow. She needed something a little more thoughtful...

"Personally, if I were Meryl," Millie began, "I'd want something sentimental, and small. Like little love notes or poems in odd places where you'd know I'd find them. Or maybe doing some chores around the house that you know I hate to do..." She noticed Vash's smile widen and stood up, "Well, I really should tend to K-Mr. Knives. I'll be with him if you need anything, all right?"

"Sure thing, Millie..." Vash continued to show his true smile as Millie left the room. Standing up and pushing his chair under the table, he took off to Meryl's room to borrow a pen and a piece of paper.

~*~

Knives looked up from his book Millie had lent him when he heard the creaking of his bedroom door. "Hello Millie."

Millie blushed and smiled at Knives. "Hello Knives..."

(A.N.: Okay, I REALLY hate to write A.N.s in the middle of a fic, but right now, I'm drawing a complete blank... I WANT to write a Knives/Millie love scene, but how ever many times I rewrote it (and believe me, it was A LOT), it always turned out REALLY bad... I'm just going to 'wing it' and hopefully it turns out okay... Sorry for the disruption!)

Millie shut the door quietly behind her walked to the bed, gauze in hand. "How are you feeling today?"

"I'm fine..."

Millie sighed; there had been such a huge tension between the two since that day about two weeks ago. At first, she had denied any of her feelings for him because of his past, but then she realized that people can change... So what was holding her back now? Was it Wolfwood...? Maybe... 'Everything's so confusing...'

She did feel bad for feeling this way about Knives, especially since it was his fault that Wolfwood was no longer with her. God, did she miss that man, but tending for Knives had filled the void in her heart. She had grown fonder of Knives since that day and she wanted to talk to him about it, but he was just so... intimidating at times. He didn't make her fear for her life, although he was the cause of so many deaths. No, he made her fear for her feelings. What if all of these feelings she felt for him simply weren't reciprocated?

Despite the lack of advance in any sort of relationship, Millie had abandoned the 'Mr.' part of his name shortly after that day. Somehow, it felt more appropriate, she had thought. After all, back then she thought that they were progressing at least a little relationship-wise.

Knives seemed relatively different since then. Although the actions were innocent, they seemed completely foreign from Knives's usual behavior, and ever since then he had been especially interested in Millie. He would sometimes ask her how she was, or if she had slept well, something he hadn't really done before. Before, he was only interested in current events, his brother, how much longer her had to stay in bed, etc.

Millie sat down gingerly on the side of his bed, not wanting to move him too much. She unwrapped the bandage on his right shoulder slowly, smiling to see that the wound was almost completely healed. "Well, it looks like you'll be out of this bed sooner than I thought!" Millie smiled cheerfully up at Knives, but soon the smile dissolved when Millie realized that he wasn't smiling back. "...Knives...?"

Knives placed his hand on the side of her face and looked at Millie longer. 'Oh my...' Millie's thoughts blurred together, was he going to kiss her? Millie instinctively tilted her head a little toward his hand and let her eyelids droop a little.

"Thank you for everything, Millie," Knives whispered lowly and brought her face closer to his, placing a small innocent kiss on the corner of her mouth. Removing his hand and leaning back again, he closed his eyes to rest.

Millie sat there for quite some time before moving at all. She turned her head slowly over in Knives's direction before feeling a small smile creep it's way up the corners of her mouth. "Sleep well, Knives..."

~*~

Meryl sat down on the edge of the counter and observed the bustling cafe. She hated the lunch rush. It meant she had hardly any time to sit, let alone take a break. "Meryl!" her head snapped up as she saw Dean, the cafe's cook, pointing to several plates of food.

"Oh! Sorry, Dean!" Meryl smiled sheepishly and hopped down off of the counter to retrieve the food. Grabbing the plates, she made her way over to the correct tables and placed them down in front of the customers. Sputtering apologies for the delay, she hurried back over to the waitress's area and sat back down.

She wasn't even supposed to have this job, but her checks simply weren't as frequent as they used to be, considering that they pretty much had Vash 'under control', so to speak. Meryl laughed and brushed her hands through her hair. She was the cause of the delay in checks. She had been stalling their return to Bernardelli for quite some time now.

"Vash the Stampede has been under surveillance for some time now, but there is reason to believe that our presence is still needed here. Please, wait for further updates," she remembered writing in one report.

Their paychecks depended on the quality of her reports. No new updates, not as much cash. It was that simple.

She had been thinking very hard on whether or not to leave Bernardelli lately. She knew Millie wouldn't dare leave her, but Meryl also knew all too well how much Millie missed her family...not to mention how much she loved her job. She would hate to put Millie through that. 'What should I do then?'

Meryl looked up again to see if Dean had anymore orders out and was relieved to see him cussing and throwing his hands up into the air through the order window. That meant he had burned an order and also that she wouldn't be needed for at least another few minutes.

She sighed in relief and propped her head back in her hands, glancing briefly over at a small, white paper bag and blushing a little. She knew all too well what was in that little bag. She had seen it earlier that day in the local 'Women's Clothing Shop' on her way to work and went back to buy it during her 20-minute break when there had been a pause between the breakfast and lunch crowds.

She glimpsed back over at the bag again before reaching out slowly and peeking down into it to see a mass of deep red silk and lace material. She wanted her and Vash's first time with each other to be a memorable experience for both of them and when she saw it in that store she knew that was what she wanted him to remember her wearing.

The lingerie was gorgeous to say the least. The top of it was a loose-fitting tank top. Triangles of silk coming together to cover the bust and meeting with red lace to flare out down to her upper hips. The tops of the triangles came to fasten around the back of her neck in a small bow. The bottoms were simple enough, red lace underwear with a tiny red bow adorning the center of the hem line in front.

Meryl just knew Vash would love it, but then again he'd just be thrilled that she was finally allowing him to sleep with her. 'He's such a perv...' Meryl smiled and closed the bag tightly, slipping it under her jacket in her place below the counter. Just as she stood up, her jacket slid out off of the shelve and onto the floor.

Meryl sighed and bent back down to retrieve the article of clothing. She picked it up and placed it back on the package alongside her purse when she felt something grab her behind. "Gah!" she squealed and kicked aimlessly behind her to get whoever it was away.

"Oof!" a strangled voice was heard followed by a thud.

Meryl whipped around and gasped, "Vash!"

"Hey Meryl..." his voice resembled that of a 6 year-old girl as he sat doubled on the floor.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" Meryl quickly plopped down beside him and pulled him into a hug. "I didn't mean to! I didn't know who it was..." Meryl blinked as the old Meryl lashed out, "Why were you grabbing me in the first place!?"

"I didn't know you'd kick me!" Vash squeaked and looked up at her with his big, puppy dog eyes that almost made Meryl melt.

"Ahem..." Meryl looked over her shoulder at Dean who was pointing at two more plates waiting to be served.

"I'm taking my lunch break now," Meryl said calmly and called over another waitress to take her place before returning her attention back to a whimpering Vash. "I'm glad you came to visit me...but don't do that again. I really didn't mean to hurt you, Vash."

Vash smiled slightly and grimaced as he stood up slowly. "I brought you lunch," he motioned to a white paper bag with three flowers poking out from the top of the bag.

Meryl smiled and looped her arm around his. She picked up the bag and pulled him out of the cafe to go to a nearby group of benches, "Eat lunch with me, please?"

"That's what I was planning to do!" he smiled down at her. He was still a little sore from that kick and he knew that he had to be walking a little funny, but he didn't concentrate on that. He knew that she didn't mean to...besides, it really was his fault more than hers now that he actually thought about it.

They rounded the corner of the shops and came to a small sitting area. "I usually eat my lunch here," Meryl explained, pointing at the small fountain in the center of he area.

"It's pretty here," Vash continued to smile as he watched the small birds splashing around in the shallow fountain. He was pulled over to a bench soon after and took a seat next to Meryl.

Meryl promptly opened the bag and removed the flowers. "Where did you find them?" she asked smiling before smelling the flowers.

"Up near the plant, there was a small garden near it," Vash said victoriously. He was happy she liked them, and he hoped that she would like what he had done around the house when she got home, too.

"You're so sweet, Vash," Meryl smiled and put one flower behind her ear, it's white petals splaying out in a large circle. She then rummaged through the bag and pulled out the food Vash had made, consisting of salmon sandwiches, tea, and doughnuts. Separating the food equally between the two of them, she pulled out on of the containers of tea and took a sip. "I'm glad you came to visit me. Dean and Sandra aren't too good at conversations, you know."

Vash glanced over at her and put his hand on her shoulder, "I've been thinking lately..."

"About...?"

"I think I'm going to get a job," he continued, although he saw Meryl open her mouth to protest, "I know you don't like the cafe, and I feel bad for putting you in such a situation to need a second job."

"Vash, you're not the reason I got a second job. I just thought it'd be good to have a little extra income so we could be a little less frugal all the time," Meryl was about to continue, but got cut off by Vash.

"Then let me work for that. I want to at least help to support all of you, not the other way around..." Vash smiled down at her and wrapped an arm loosely around her waist.

"...There's no way to change your mind, huh?" Meryl chuckled and leaned her head down on his shoulder. "Well, I really don't like the cafe, so it would be nice, I guess."

"Good," he handed Meryl a sandwich, "you can quit now!"

"What? No, I have to give a two-week's notice, Stupid!" Meryl looked over at him teasingly and took the sandwich before quickly taking a bite.

"My pet name is 'Stupid,'" Vash sniffled cutely, although Meryl could tell he was just joking. "Do you HAVE to give a two-week's notice?"

"It'd be nice to. I'd hate to leave all of the work on only two waitresses," Meryl replied.

"They can manage!" Vash smiled and stood up, "I want to take you home with me now."

"Why?" Meryl couldn't help but blush, even though she didn't even know what he was talking about.

"Because!"

"Gee...thank you for that amazing response, Vash. It answered all of my questions..." Meryl teased him as he grasped her hand and took her back to the cafe.

"What!? You're quitting!?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, Dean, but I just can't work here anymore. Good luck!" Meryl said her last few apologies and glanced over at the two other waitresses who were currently trying to burn her to death with their glares. She put her work apron on the counter before waving nervously at her ex-coworkers, "Um, Bye Sandra, Dean, Kelly!" Meryl hastily grabbed her things from under the counter and walked out of the door to meet up with Vash.

"Were they mad?" Vash asked with a timid smile.

"Oh yea," Meryl laughed in return.

~*~

"Millie! I'm home!" Meryl smiled and walked through the kitchen door. Usually Millie would be right there when she heard Meryl come in, especially since it was only 12:45 and Meryl got home from work at about 5:15 or so. "Millie?"

Meryl set her packages down on the kitchen table walked back towards Knives's room since she figured Millie would be tending to him. Vash stood down in front of his room and watched as Meryl walked one door past his and peeked into Knives's room.

Meryl gasped and looked over at Vash. Vash hurried over, not sure of whether that was a "Look at this", or an "Oh my God, a dead body" gasp. He looked into the room and was shocked to find Millie curled in Knives's embrace as they both slept.

'Thank God she's on top of those covers...' Meryl thought and inwardly sighed. She couldn't help but smile. She was glad that Millie could finally be happy now, and who knows, maybe Knives was a changed man...err...plant, whatever...

Vash pulled the door closed and grinned over towards Meryl. "I knew something was going on..."

"Yea, so did I," Meryl whispered.

"Come here," Vash laced his fingers in hers and took her to her room, opening the door.

"What is...it...?" Meryl trailed off as she looked around her room. There were flowers everywhere, her papers, which were once strewn all over her desk, were now in neat stacks, all of her clothes and bed covers had been washed, floors swept. Meryl knew how much Vash hated to clean, so she was extremely impressed and touched by his actions. "Oh Vash..." Meryl turned to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a deep kiss.

Vash made a mumbled sound of pleasure against Meryl's lips as he wrapped his arms around her, placing each hand on either of her hips. He traced the outline of her lips with his tongue and finally dipped his tongue into her mouth to play with hers.

Meryl was the first to break the kiss, "I got you something, Vash."

"Really? What is it?" Vash grinned at her before leaning down for another quick kiss.

"It's a surprise... You have to be a good boy to get it though."

"I'll be good! When do I get it?" Vash was beaming in anticipation.

"Oh... Later," Meryl replied and walked back to the kitchen to grab her bag, leaving Vash to sit and wonder what his surprise was.